Bad Bad Pad
by Dreams and Stars
Summary: Mikos Yume and Hoshi, no sleep at 2 AM, discussion of a vibrating chair pad....enter one Evil Hentai Slug and so this fic is born. Xel/Lina, the Evil Hentai Slug seems to like that pairing...


Disclaimer: I own nothing, and if I did, I'd just sell it to buy anime.  
  
Notes: This is a very badly written hentai type fic. You see, it is all a conspiracy between the Miko No Yume and the Evil Hentai Slug to pervert the oh-so-innocent me, Miko No Hoshi. So you see, I can not be blamed for this fic or the side affects reading it may cause.  
  
  
Bad Bad Pad  
  
Xellos bought a chair. Then Xellos bought one of those vibrating chair pads. It was a bad pad, bad bad bad. But Xellos, being bad, felt the bad pad was very, very good at being bad. It was niiiiiiiiiiiice, and you didn't even have to get it drunk first!  
  
Xellos, being bad, but in service to someone badder had to share the bad pad with his master. Zelas, at first trying the bad pad jumped up and then sank happily into it's depths. Xellos then began explaining his bad, bad plan to use the bad pad to his advantage. Zelas's smile grew even wider but half way through the plan, Xellos realized she was not even listening. Backing slowly towards the door Xellos decided to collect the bad pad...later. Zelas was happy, she had made a new friend.  
  
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*   
  
Zelas, refusing to relinquish the bad pad, which was now her new best friend, forced Xellos to buy another one to show the others. The first demonstrator would be Sylphiel.  
  
Being oh-so-kind Xellos offered her a seat on the bad pad. Thanking him profusely, she sat down only to jump skywards after having contacted with the bad pad very good badness.  
  
"My purity! That pad, it's taken my purity!" Crying, she ran off to apologized to gourry-sama, returning seconds later to confiscate the bad pad. Attempting to retrieve it, Xellos was met with a growl from the shrine maiden, withdrawing his hand from possible biting range, Xellos once again went to dial the bad bad Evil is Fun catalog 1-800 number.  
  
While waiting on the bad, slow mail, Xellos went to check on the desperate thieving shrine maiden.He found her weeping in her room, padless, being alone is a bad, bad thing.  
  
"Gourry-sama left me...for that bad pad!" she wept.  
  
Sweatdropping, Xellos snuck far, far away from the bad, bad scene.  
  
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~   
  
Slipping his bad package from the mailbox Xellos quickly teleported to the inn where the travelers were staying. Excited to show his bad bad, bur oh-so-good prize to Lina-chan and perhaps win her favor, he crept down the hallway only to be stopped by Amelia.  
  
"Good morning Xellos-san! Isn't today wonderful! Justice and happiness--"  
  
On the verge of losing his breakfast Xellos pushed the talkative princess into a recently set up chair and bad pad.  
  
"Ooh, Xellos-san! That feels wonderful!" Skillfully he adjusted the controls. "Right there {gasp}, more please, yes!"  
  
Having been listening from the other side of a very thin door, Zelgadis barged onto the scene to protect Amelia's honor of course.  
  
"Amelia! Get out of that chair, it's bad!"  
  
Taking the bad pad, he stalked away the deprived princess following behind.  
  
Xellos sighed, he really wanted to show that to Lina.  
  
~*~ *~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~   
  
An hour later Xellos located Zelgadis, in his room, in bed, being bad, with the bad bad pad, it was bad.  
  
"Zelgadis, I really need that back--"  
  
" Her name is Lulu and I'll mind you not to refer to my girlfriend as 'that'"  
  
Foregoing the sweatdrop, Xellos teleported away.  
  
~*~ *~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~   
  
This time for Lina-chan, Xellos ordered not only one bad pad, but also the super bad upgrade kit, and the battery pack 5000.  
  
Protectively clutching his new toy, Xellos teleported directly to Lina's side, causing her to drop the popsicle she was in the process of eating.  
  
"Damnit Xellos!"  
  
Somehow sensing her shortened temper, he immediately placed Lina in the new and improved bad-pad-o-matic. Fireball spell forgotten, Lina stated as he pushed one magical button.  
  
Before Lina could properly enjoy the bad, heavenly bliss the power pack blew up.   
  
"No!" she cried clutching the lifeless piece of oh-so-soft material.  
  
Xellos stepped forward to comfort her.  
  
"Don't worry Lina-chan, I can help you, after all I learned from the best."   
  
Remembering all the good good things things the bad bad pad had taught him, Xellos pulled Lina into his lap and was very, very bad.  
  
END  
  
Miko No Yume did it! Her and that evil chair pad! Evil I say, evil! Okay, so maybe I wrote it, but she made me! Damn that Spark Plug of Imminent Death!  
  
Please review or there will be more bad bad fics with bad bad innuendoes by the bad bad (but very innocent!) Miko.  
  
Miko No Hoshi  
  



End file.
